Friday, August 11, 2006
What's up with airline food anywaze!
Photos compliments of "P and "L"
Remember when everyone put all that money into those internet companies and we all lost our savings? Wasn’t that a funny time? Pets drugs dot come, head massage dot com, punch in the groin dot com? Ha, ha,hummmmmmmgggggggrrrrr.
Before that we had this fun thing going on. We used the web to send letters, pictures of monkeys pushing strollers and swap Doom wads. Sure it was hard to do, but it was a subversive place free from the repression of the greedy businessman.
Today, like always I tried to get connected at my small local airport. Six Bucks! That’s not a lot but there’s a page and a half of personal information that I have to fill out just to sign up on line. What’s wrong with this picture?
First some facts:
1) Cherry Capitol Airport provides service to over 15 people per day (it may be more but I can’t check my facts because I can’t get to the web without telling some company everything about me first.)
2) Not everyone at the Cherry Capitol Airport uses the web.
Based on these two solid facts, the Cherry Capitol airport stands to make about $12 per day just for providing this inconvenience. Good PR there guys!
Why don’t airports provide free internet service to the people? Most of the people at the airport are waiting. Hands up, Who thinks that it would be in the airport’s best interest to have people sitting quietly typing away or downloading Doom wads? Or is the allure of that $12 just too much for people? Would they look at it as a wasted opportunity to further harass the average passenger. Are the airport and the airlines trying to drive people crazy by shaking them down at every opportunity? Or are they just involved in an elaborate version of “Punked”? This is turning into one of those “what’s up with Airline food” bits worthy of a 1982 Seinfeld routine. (Except for the mention of the internet)
Oh, but today there’s more. Now you’re not allowed to take liquid on the plane. Just the thought of this makes me thirsty. So now there’s no food and now we can’t bring our own water. It’s like a flying “Gitmo” airlines. All coach passengers must lay naked, in a pile and have their picture taken by an eighteen-year –old hard-ass while having electrodes clamped to their “carry-on baggage”.
They are taking everything; toothpaste, sun block, diaper rash cream, formula, you name it. I watched as a security person take a kid’s Playdough away. The kid said, “That’s Ok the red was all dried up anyway.” Before you go feeling sorry for this kid, keep in mind that he was flying business class, and he had plenty of other kid crap to play with. I think his mother was glad to shed the 7oz from the load she was forced to carry.
I wonder if airport security knows that the human body is almost 80% liquid, like a watermelon. I should ask them. Are they going to drain me before the flight? Give it time folks!! I wonder if they’d stop me if I brought a watermelon on the plane. Maybe if I dressed it up as a baby, with a little bonnet I could sure sneak that past the guards. “He has his mother’s green stripie completion and eye.”
I’d be the only one on the plane with a snack big enough to share. How long before someone tries to put a bomb inside one of those. Then we won’t be able to take watermelon on the plane anymore! What is this country coning to when a Doom wad downloader can’t take his watermelon-baby on a plane and share it with his fellow Americans? I’m outraged!
…Since I’m on the verge of a 20 hour trip, maybe I should focus on what I like about air travel. Well, I’m going business class. That’s something. And I have some movies downloaded on my hard drive so I got that going for me. I forgot my book, but I suppose that will be OK. I’ll just visit the bookstore at one of the larger airports along the way. I guess what I like about traveling is how there’s always someone there telling you to sit down. I think a lot of people need this. I know I do. I sit and type up extensive blog entries about pure crap. I type up ideas for cartoons (that’s what I’m hoping to get paid for so that’s good.) I play my Gameboy Micro (which is hard to do at home.) But, best of all, there’s an excuse to take a nap. (Which is hard to do at home) In fact, you can take as many as you want on a 20-hour flight.
OK there, end on a good note. I’ve got to go those strip searches don’t strip search them selves. See you in the air!
Remember when everyone put all that money into those internet companies and we all lost our savings? Wasn’t that a funny time? Pets drugs dot come, head massage dot com, punch in the groin dot com? Ha, ha,hummmmmmmgggggggrrrrr.
Before that we had this fun thing going on. We used the web to send letters, pictures of monkeys pushing strollers and swap Doom wads. Sure it was hard to do, but it was a subversive place free from the repression of the greedy businessman.
Today, like always I tried to get connected at my small local airport. Six Bucks! That’s not a lot but there’s a page and a half of personal information that I have to fill out just to sign up on line. What’s wrong with this picture?
First some facts:
1) Cherry Capitol Airport provides service to over 15 people per day (it may be more but I can’t check my facts because I can’t get to the web without telling some company everything about me first.)
2) Not everyone at the Cherry Capitol Airport uses the web.
Based on these two solid facts, the Cherry Capitol airport stands to make about $12 per day just for providing this inconvenience. Good PR there guys!
Why don’t airports provide free internet service to the people? Most of the people at the airport are waiting. Hands up, Who thinks that it would be in the airport’s best interest to have people sitting quietly typing away or downloading Doom wads? Or is the allure of that $12 just too much for people? Would they look at it as a wasted opportunity to further harass the average passenger. Are the airport and the airlines trying to drive people crazy by shaking them down at every opportunity? Or are they just involved in an elaborate version of “Punked”? This is turning into one of those “what’s up with Airline food” bits worthy of a 1982 Seinfeld routine. (Except for the mention of the internet)
Oh, but today there’s more. Now you’re not allowed to take liquid on the plane. Just the thought of this makes me thirsty. So now there’s no food and now we can’t bring our own water. It’s like a flying “Gitmo” airlines. All coach passengers must lay naked, in a pile and have their picture taken by an eighteen-year –old hard-ass while having electrodes clamped to their “carry-on baggage”.
They are taking everything; toothpaste, sun block, diaper rash cream, formula, you name it. I watched as a security person take a kid’s Playdough away. The kid said, “That’s Ok the red was all dried up anyway.” Before you go feeling sorry for this kid, keep in mind that he was flying business class, and he had plenty of other kid crap to play with. I think his mother was glad to shed the 7oz from the load she was forced to carry.
I wonder if airport security knows that the human body is almost 80% liquid, like a watermelon. I should ask them. Are they going to drain me before the flight? Give it time folks!! I wonder if they’d stop me if I brought a watermelon on the plane. Maybe if I dressed it up as a baby, with a little bonnet I could sure sneak that past the guards. “He has his mother’s green stripie completion and eye.”
I’d be the only one on the plane with a snack big enough to share. How long before someone tries to put a bomb inside one of those. Then we won’t be able to take watermelon on the plane anymore! What is this country coning to when a Doom wad downloader can’t take his watermelon-baby on a plane and share it with his fellow Americans? I’m outraged!
…Since I’m on the verge of a 20 hour trip, maybe I should focus on what I like about air travel. Well, I’m going business class. That’s something. And I have some movies downloaded on my hard drive so I got that going for me. I forgot my book, but I suppose that will be OK. I’ll just visit the bookstore at one of the larger airports along the way. I guess what I like about traveling is how there’s always someone there telling you to sit down. I think a lot of people need this. I know I do. I sit and type up extensive blog entries about pure crap. I type up ideas for cartoons (that’s what I’m hoping to get paid for so that’s good.) I play my Gameboy Micro (which is hard to do at home.) But, best of all, there’s an excuse to take a nap. (Which is hard to do at home) In fact, you can take as many as you want on a 20-hour flight.
OK there, end on a good note. I’ve got to go those strip searches don’t strip search them selves. See you in the air!
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