Saturday, May 20, 2006
You sir, are truly a wit! At least half of you.
I know, I know. How dull to write about martinis in 2006. A little too much like a fopish “Algonquin round table” discussion.
Alexander Wolcott: You, madam will drive me to drink.
Dorothy: Parker: Indeed, I’ll go fetch the car.
Robert Benchly and Harold parker chortle as Harpo Marx blasts Edna Ferber in the dome with a croquet mallet.
The point that I was trying to make is that I’m ready to come home. Singapore isn’t a very big place and I’ve pretty much done everything at least twice. I know that sounds pretty cynical but, it’s true. Remember that this country is roughly the size of Road Island’s largest city. (Providence; pop. 173,618…. salute!)
And that a six pack costs $20.00! Now you tell me if I’m being cynical.
What do I miss about home? Do you care? I mean really? If I was able to tell you what I liked about being in my own house, and I was really convincing, then we’d all be living there. Am I right? How about this:
What I will miss about South East Asia.
By Chaffie Mc Chafington
Well, as far as Singapore is concerned, I guess I’ll miss the way everyone is so polite. Maybe polite isn’t the right word. Everyone seems to mind their own business. They don’t honk. This is a big one because, for the most part, they drive like shit. They just go where ever they want, as fast as they can. Unlike the French and the Italians (who do this too) they don’t seem to get upset. They are like fast Mexicans. The white lines aren’t a law, they regard them as a rough sort of suggestion. The only people who weave more are… weavers, rug making guys. Not funny I know. I’ll go back and fix that gag. Maybe I’ll just suck it up and blow on past this one.
The women look pretty good. I’ll miss that. But there must be something wrong with me, they all have the figure of 12 year old girls, and for some reason that doesn’t seem to work for me; even when I WAS 12! And they are all so freeking shy. I guess I like them a little more noticeable.
I think what I’ll miss the most is the way the people make me feel about myself. I was talking to Jen about this the other day. The average guy around here is about 5’6” and none of them seem to break 100 pounds. I like the feeling of walking down the street and thinking, “I could kick everyone’s ass around here. Yeah, you too, shrimpy. I don’t care how many years of Tai yuck foo you have taken, I could still flatten you.”
…Makes me feel good.
Now try that same thing in New York. I think I’d probabably rank in the lower one third. “Yeah, I’m talking to you lady. I could… hey, is that a hat-pin? Fer get it!” In my neighborhood alone I’d probably rank even lower. There are some pretty tough kids at that elementary school.
What else will I miss? Hummmm.
I’d like to say the weather but, did I mention that it’s hot here? Yeah? Well it still is. One of the neat things; over the past two months is that it has rained everyday. I like the rain, but when it doesn’t cool thinks off it seems to me lacking. I’d go out after a rain and go, “well, what’d you do that for?”
I’ll miss my jungle runs. I won’t miss the feeling of being so hot that the water streams off my nose when I lean forward. Or that wonderful, soaked everything/ here comes the chafe feeling when I’m still five miles out. But when a monitor lizard slides into the river, or hearing the birds going, “coo wha ha ha ha ha”, just like the movies, or having those monkeys look at me as I run by… (well, I suppose I could do with out them and that look) anyway it’s cool out there even though it’s hot and there’s nothing like that in Michigan.
Anyway, like I always say, you never like a place more than you do when you come back for a visit. And the way the business is going there’s a good chance I’ll be returning before the fall.
So, I guess, in the mean time we just bank some pool hours and hang out. Sounds nice doesn’t it? Well you try it, man. It’s hard. Especially when you have a young blog to feed.
Alexander Wolcott: You, madam will drive me to drink.
Dorothy: Parker: Indeed, I’ll go fetch the car.
Robert Benchly and Harold parker chortle as Harpo Marx blasts Edna Ferber in the dome with a croquet mallet.
The point that I was trying to make is that I’m ready to come home. Singapore isn’t a very big place and I’ve pretty much done everything at least twice. I know that sounds pretty cynical but, it’s true. Remember that this country is roughly the size of Road Island’s largest city. (Providence; pop. 173,618…. salute!)
And that a six pack costs $20.00! Now you tell me if I’m being cynical.
What do I miss about home? Do you care? I mean really? If I was able to tell you what I liked about being in my own house, and I was really convincing, then we’d all be living there. Am I right? How about this:
What I will miss about South East Asia.
By Chaffie Mc Chafington
Well, as far as Singapore is concerned, I guess I’ll miss the way everyone is so polite. Maybe polite isn’t the right word. Everyone seems to mind their own business. They don’t honk. This is a big one because, for the most part, they drive like shit. They just go where ever they want, as fast as they can. Unlike the French and the Italians (who do this too) they don’t seem to get upset. They are like fast Mexicans. The white lines aren’t a law, they regard them as a rough sort of suggestion. The only people who weave more are… weavers, rug making guys. Not funny I know. I’ll go back and fix that gag. Maybe I’ll just suck it up and blow on past this one.
The women look pretty good. I’ll miss that. But there must be something wrong with me, they all have the figure of 12 year old girls, and for some reason that doesn’t seem to work for me; even when I WAS 12! And they are all so freeking shy. I guess I like them a little more noticeable.
I think what I’ll miss the most is the way the people make me feel about myself. I was talking to Jen about this the other day. The average guy around here is about 5’6” and none of them seem to break 100 pounds. I like the feeling of walking down the street and thinking, “I could kick everyone’s ass around here. Yeah, you too, shrimpy. I don’t care how many years of Tai yuck foo you have taken, I could still flatten you.”
…Makes me feel good.
Now try that same thing in New York. I think I’d probabably rank in the lower one third. “Yeah, I’m talking to you lady. I could… hey, is that a hat-pin? Fer get it!” In my neighborhood alone I’d probably rank even lower. There are some pretty tough kids at that elementary school.
What else will I miss? Hummmm.
I’d like to say the weather but, did I mention that it’s hot here? Yeah? Well it still is. One of the neat things; over the past two months is that it has rained everyday. I like the rain, but when it doesn’t cool thinks off it seems to me lacking. I’d go out after a rain and go, “well, what’d you do that for?”
I’ll miss my jungle runs. I won’t miss the feeling of being so hot that the water streams off my nose when I lean forward. Or that wonderful, soaked everything/ here comes the chafe feeling when I’m still five miles out. But when a monitor lizard slides into the river, or hearing the birds going, “coo wha ha ha ha ha”, just like the movies, or having those monkeys look at me as I run by… (well, I suppose I could do with out them and that look) anyway it’s cool out there even though it’s hot and there’s nothing like that in Michigan.
Anyway, like I always say, you never like a place more than you do when you come back for a visit. And the way the business is going there’s a good chance I’ll be returning before the fall.
So, I guess, in the mean time we just bank some pool hours and hang out. Sounds nice doesn’t it? Well you try it, man. It’s hard. Especially when you have a young blog to feed.
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